As for your example of Governor Sanford, I completely agree. I just had lunch with a friend several weeks back and this subject came up. He shared with me his opinion that an affair, by definition, disregards the collateral damage it may cause. It is simply living in the moment and purposely not thinking about the future.

As for Sanford specifically, it would be my opinion that the public really questions sincerity of a politician, or the man specifically. It is like asking a convicted robber to work as a cashier. Tough sell as we all judge a person's future behavior on past performance.

Great thoughts, and I would like to thank you for sharing. I thoroughly enjoy your input!

Warmest Regards,
K

Taking the time to reflect on this topic makes me cringe, but I appreciate the exercise. This has made me think about integrity. When I was about 15 a really cool woman shared her definition of integrity with me. She defined it as “being honest with yourself and acting in accordance.” When we adjust ourselves to fit others’ expectations we aren’t really being honest with ourselves and we end up in compromising and uncomfortable situations. I also think honesty and guilt are inherent, hence our inability to let go of things we did decades ago (you are not alone). This doesn’t prevent us from making mistakes and losing sight of our true selves, but it does allow us to pause and try to come back to who we really are, and take control of who we want to be.

In SC we’re watching an example of this first hand. Our governor has made a colossal mistake and is seeking forgiveness, which has stirred up some great discussions on marriage, power, honesty and integrity. I can’t imagine that anyone who has stepped out on their responsibilities can do so without enormous guilt. Maybe if he hadn’t gotten caught it would be different, but I think we all have something deep in us that allows us to know the difference between the gratification of the moment and the reality of the long term implications of our actions. We don’t always listen.

It’s amazingly simple, but when you do good things, you feel good. When you do bad things you feel terrible. When you make a concerted effort to treat others with empathy and respect you feel better about what you are doing. I imagine that if Sanford had asked himself how his wife and children would feel if they saw him, or just knew he was behaving this way he wouldn’t have been able to “go hiking.” We don’t always take the second to ask ourselves those questions until it’s too late. We are all a work in progress and we are better people for the mistakes we’ve learned from, but we have to be honest with ourselves and take responsibility for our actions.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

As a boy, growing up, and now as a man, I often found that I relied upon myself. I thought it helped me survive as a teenager and as a Marine, but as I came closer to my religious roots I found that the only decision I was able to make was whether to believe or not… to profess faith or not. There was no middle ground, and all other things were a gift given to me.

Now I understand that this comment is most certainly religious in nature, and I do not intend to pass judgment or convert anyone. That is not my purpose nor intent in the least. In point of fact, your writing underscores that this post was effective in communicating a broader topic and opening the door to a discussion which was my only true intent.

Thank you for sharing, and in grander picture, I completely agree that THE ultimate decision was given to us to make – within.

Warmest Regards,
K

This is an interesting post that I passed without comment the first time I read it. The things you talk of here are to do with a combination of conscience and moral (or ethical) practice in the face of changing circumstances which may also involve a changing relationship. It can relate as much to a marriage as it does to a relationship one has with a pet. On a different plane it may even relate to how one feels about some precious possession. Though some things that influence undoubtedly come from without, my feeling is that the ultimate decisions, whether made consciously or not, have to come from within.

Catchya later

I have to tell you, the honor is mine. Working with you, Louis, Jesse, Mike, Rob, Eric, and Phil is a wonderful treat.

I'm glad you could gain something out of this. The comments are nice, a nice way of telling me so, but I really am glad to share. That's what makes this little thing we call the interwebz go 'round, right?

See ya around, girl.

I think each person must find their right of passage, but many get lost along their way through.