The Cruelty of, “I Wish …”

I wish I was funnier, or better looking. I wish I was more stylish or GQ. I wish I was richer, smarter, funnier…

I wish, I wish, I wish.

I grew up always looking for something else, something outside of me. I lived to find acceptance in the eyes of others… but you know what I always found?

A hollow place of wanting, and empty space with a sign marked vacant.

A boy named James:

When I was much younger, I was friends with a boy named James. James was not very popular, but neither was I. I had befriended James in 4th grade not because I needed a friend, but because he was the loneliest kid in the class. He sat alone, almost cowering under a dark shadow.

We became quick friends, and had great adventures together. As we grew older, James and I made much mischief. We had long and thoughtful discussions about many important things such as whether chunky barf was more disgusting that stringy boogers or which Garbage Pail Kid was the grossest.

And I never wondered if our friendship was in question.

But as the summer ended after sixth grade, I suddenly realized there was another world out there. To fit in, I realized that James could not come with me into the seventh grade. I was entering a time in my life where I needed to look a certain way, act a certain way, and be with a certain group of people.

He wasn’t cool enough.

How incredibly cruel we can be – I can be.

I chose those vacuous things to replace a friend that was not fit in the world’s eyes. I had left myself, a jar of clay, empty and wanting for meaning to fill me up – and I chose the wrong thing…

Sacrifice, search, and surrender:

How many times have you sacrificed who you are for a boss, a job, a co-worker, or client? How many times have you sold a piece of your soul to find that elusive thing you were in search of – sure its acquisition would quench your thirst or provide a lofty throne from which to enjoy your conquest?

While it may seem wonderful to surround yourself with all of those things that fill your senses, I would humbly share with you that in these times of uncertainty (and all times are indeed uncertain) that you should be no more and no less than who you are; I would share with you my decision so many years ago that I carry with me.

Even though I may think I have discovered my heart of service, I find that I rediscover it each and every day. My long road to seek fulfillment has taught me it comes not from within the world, but from something greater than yourself – outside of you. However, the decision to seek it must first come from within you.

Image courtesy of Julianne Hide

Ken Stewart’s blog, ChangeForge.com, focuses on the collision between the constantly changing worlds of business and technology. To connect with Ken, you may visit him at DandyID.